As I review the reading from this week in Leadership Communication I find myself analyzing all the different situations in which I am engaged in active communication. Basically, I live in three distinct areas in which I utilize communication skills to interact with others. These areas are my social, professional, and personal lives. I do fairly well to separate the three, and each offer unique situations to improve upon my communication skills with others. Of course some skills bleed over into the other areas. How I use my body language, paralanguage, and metamessages helps me communicate my wants, needs, and desires. In this week's blog I will discuss some scenarios where I have honed some skills and a few areas for improvement in communicating with others in my very busy life.
McKay, Davis, and Fanning discuss the important role of body language in their book Messages. They state over fifty percent of a message's impact comes from body movements (McKay, Davis, Fanning, p.59). Now, I am a pretty big guy standing 6'1" and around 225lbs. I am very aware of how my body language conveys messages to others. Sometimes what I am saying and how the message is received differs based on how others perceive my body language. In social circles I tend to soften my stature to convey openness. I don't want to be unapproachable. That could seriously impact my need to meet new and interesting folks, or gain an understanding of the true selves of those I already know. At work I often use my physical stature to convey my reliability, confidence, and authority as a leader. As an Air Traffic Controller I am obligated to be confident... it helps when communicating with pilots as well as my Shipmates. People need to hear that confidence when lives are on the line, and so I carry myself a tad more erect when wearing my uniform. In a culture established under pressure and leadership my body language assists my verbal communication. It helps me lead in a fair and firm manner, and people in my sphere of influence respond appropriately. At home, on the other hand, my size means nothing! My wife is 5'2" and 100lbs soaking wet, yet she has no problems keeping order in the house... which includes me! More on this later.
How I say what I want to say has been an ongoing quest for perfection in all three areas of my life. Many years as a sales guy taught me the value of "singing the song", or what Messages describes as paralanguage. I learned to be a chameleon of sorts when communicating with different types of people. I can speed up my tempo with New Yorkers, slow it down for the Southerners, and chop it up with everyone in between. I always try to articulate what I say because I feel that no matter what your education, cultural, or social status command of the English language is important. I also feel it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say, so whomever I am talking with I do make this distinction. However, a draw back in my communication tool box is my crafty use of metamessages. McKay, Davis, and Fanning describe metamessages as the part of the message that conveys the speakers attitude and feelings (p.75). Now, I have been accused of being witty in my three life circles. Socially, zingers are a valuable asset of mine that helps others to see my sarcastic side as well as my feelings and intentions towards someone or something. My use of verbal modifiers can be deployed at a moment's notice when the situation warrants. Professionally, I deal with a variety of situations where my attitude and emotions are tested, and in our "kinder, gentler Navy" you have to be very careful how you communicate under stressful situations. Using my metamessages and verbal modifiers has saved me more than once to convey my true feelings without getting into trouble. At home... I have met my match with metamessages. I live with a woman who has an uncanny ability to see right through my witty remarks and sarcastic use of verbal modifiers. She helps me to be grounded and speak from the heart. She also trumps my skills in the paralanguage/metamessage department.
In all my interpersonal communications I use my non-verbal communication skills as well as my words to gain some sort of ground. I think in every aspect of life there needs to be a balance with the two forms. Socially, professionally, and personally I see the importance of congruence between what is said and how it is said. Objectively, I feel like I have my social and professional lives on lock, however, I don't deal with these people every day. My personal life is a much different story. It is in this area I need to focus my attention in developing my communication skills. Only when we are faced with real, true communication on a daily basis do we really see our faults. Because I am totally defenseless in true communication with my wife am I able to see my discrepancies. When we reduce our defenses completely in communication can we truly make the changes necessary to be a good communicator. Luckily, I chose a partner that knows who I am to the fullest. She is my litmus test with personal communication. In this area of my life I will truly define my communication skills because it is an every-day test of my ability to communicate what I am thinking, feeling, and conveying. In order to communicate effectively it is paramount to know yourself and how you relay the messages you want delivered. Realizing how you use body language, paralanguage, and metamessages help me define my communication skills.
JP
McKay, Davis, Flanning. 2009. Messages: the communication skills book. New Harbinger Publications. Oakland, CA.
McKay, Davis, and Fanning discuss the important role of body language in their book Messages. They state over fifty percent of a message's impact comes from body movements (McKay, Davis, Fanning, p.59). Now, I am a pretty big guy standing 6'1" and around 225lbs. I am very aware of how my body language conveys messages to others. Sometimes what I am saying and how the message is received differs based on how others perceive my body language. In social circles I tend to soften my stature to convey openness. I don't want to be unapproachable. That could seriously impact my need to meet new and interesting folks, or gain an understanding of the true selves of those I already know. At work I often use my physical stature to convey my reliability, confidence, and authority as a leader. As an Air Traffic Controller I am obligated to be confident... it helps when communicating with pilots as well as my Shipmates. People need to hear that confidence when lives are on the line, and so I carry myself a tad more erect when wearing my uniform. In a culture established under pressure and leadership my body language assists my verbal communication. It helps me lead in a fair and firm manner, and people in my sphere of influence respond appropriately. At home, on the other hand, my size means nothing! My wife is 5'2" and 100lbs soaking wet, yet she has no problems keeping order in the house... which includes me! More on this later.
How I say what I want to say has been an ongoing quest for perfection in all three areas of my life. Many years as a sales guy taught me the value of "singing the song", or what Messages describes as paralanguage. I learned to be a chameleon of sorts when communicating with different types of people. I can speed up my tempo with New Yorkers, slow it down for the Southerners, and chop it up with everyone in between. I always try to articulate what I say because I feel that no matter what your education, cultural, or social status command of the English language is important. I also feel it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say, so whomever I am talking with I do make this distinction. However, a draw back in my communication tool box is my crafty use of metamessages. McKay, Davis, and Fanning describe metamessages as the part of the message that conveys the speakers attitude and feelings (p.75). Now, I have been accused of being witty in my three life circles. Socially, zingers are a valuable asset of mine that helps others to see my sarcastic side as well as my feelings and intentions towards someone or something. My use of verbal modifiers can be deployed at a moment's notice when the situation warrants. Professionally, I deal with a variety of situations where my attitude and emotions are tested, and in our "kinder, gentler Navy" you have to be very careful how you communicate under stressful situations. Using my metamessages and verbal modifiers has saved me more than once to convey my true feelings without getting into trouble. At home... I have met my match with metamessages. I live with a woman who has an uncanny ability to see right through my witty remarks and sarcastic use of verbal modifiers. She helps me to be grounded and speak from the heart. She also trumps my skills in the paralanguage/metamessage department.
In all my interpersonal communications I use my non-verbal communication skills as well as my words to gain some sort of ground. I think in every aspect of life there needs to be a balance with the two forms. Socially, professionally, and personally I see the importance of congruence between what is said and how it is said. Objectively, I feel like I have my social and professional lives on lock, however, I don't deal with these people every day. My personal life is a much different story. It is in this area I need to focus my attention in developing my communication skills. Only when we are faced with real, true communication on a daily basis do we really see our faults. Because I am totally defenseless in true communication with my wife am I able to see my discrepancies. When we reduce our defenses completely in communication can we truly make the changes necessary to be a good communicator. Luckily, I chose a partner that knows who I am to the fullest. She is my litmus test with personal communication. In this area of my life I will truly define my communication skills because it is an every-day test of my ability to communicate what I am thinking, feeling, and conveying. In order to communicate effectively it is paramount to know yourself and how you relay the messages you want delivered. Realizing how you use body language, paralanguage, and metamessages help me define my communication skills.
JP
McKay, Davis, Flanning. 2009. Messages: the communication skills book. New Harbinger Publications. Oakland, CA.
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