Making Contact

We Texans are unique in several ways. One of these is the ability to have never met a stranger. We can talk to anyone (usually). Striking up a conversation with someone we have never met seems to be second nature for a true Texan. Now, obviously, this a gross generalization seeing as how there are millions of Texans and not all are privy to this canny ability, but for the most part, most of us can "chat it up" with almost anyone.

Personally, I have never really had an issue meeting new people. My curiosity outshines any shyness embedded in me, and a genuine desire to spark up a conversation is all I have ever needed to meet someone new. You never know who you might meet. If my attempts to "chat it up" are not met with its anticipated response it is probably for the better. McKay, Davis, and Fanning explain this plainly by saying "a refusal or your interest is a lost opportunity, nothing more or less" (p.207).

The trick (for lack of a better word) in getting to know someone new is to ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. So, the best way to find out about somebody is get them talking. It is amazing how much you can learn about someone once they start rambling on about their interests. Also, it is important to be a good listener. Not just in the sense of hearing, but making them feel as if they are heard. Leaning in and making eye contact are easy ways to engage. But, it has to be genuine. Body language often speaks louder than words. Our text for this week outlines several key elements to effective body language and transmitting interest in what another person is saying: lean in; be open, don't close yourself off with crossed arms or legs; make eye contact; smile; and physically touching them (p. 210). Now, in my experience, smiling and being open are great tools to use. However, touching other people must be used with caution. I prefer the two handed-hand shake, or a hand shake and touch on the shoulder. Small gestures can build a connection, but being obtrusive can do the opposite.

Honestly, I enjoy making people smile. We could all use a little extra smiling in our lives. Scientifically, smiling helps to release endorphins that trigger the "good feelings". If I like something about someone I will tell them. They should know, and maybe they needed that little reassurance. Who knows? My kindergarten teacher taught us it takes five warm fuzzies for every cold prickly. We might as well dish out some warm fuzzies. We may never know if there is a cold prickly abundance that needs some balancing out.

Our text defines conversation as, "the art of combining questions, active listening, and self disclosure in such a way that people keep talking and enjoy it" (p. 217). I define conversation as a natural element in being a social creature. AT&T made millions off their advertising slogan "reach out and touch someone". We can always benefit from meeting new people and learning new things from them. Sometimes it just takes a little push to step out from our comfort zone and touch someone. You never know what you might get.

JP

McKay, M. Davis, M., Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: the communication skills book. Oakland, New Harbinger Publications, Inc. Ch. 14